84 lines
7.7 KiB
Markdown
84 lines
7.7 KiB
Markdown
---
|
|
title: "Back to Books"
|
|
description: "Social media has broken me. It's back to books and BBForums to rescue what's left of my sanity."
|
|
date: 2024-07-10
|
|
gallery:
|
|
- image: ./src/assets/images/gallery/personal/2017-pre 2019 Move - 1 of 1.JPG
|
|
alt: "Black and white photo of a Kindle Paperwhite"
|
|
caption: 'First eInk reader, Kindle Paperwhite'
|
|
- image: ./src/assets/images/gallery/personal/paperwhite-color.jpeg
|
|
alt: "Color photo of a Kindle Paperwhite"
|
|
caption: 'First eInk reader, Kindle Paperwhite'
|
|
- image: ./src/assets/images/gallery/personal/paperwhite-flat-bw.jpeg
|
|
alt: "Black and white of a Kindle Paperwhite"
|
|
caption: 'First eInk reader, Kindle Paperwhite'
|
|
- image: ./src/assets/images/gallery/personal/paperwhite-packaging.jpeg
|
|
alt: "Photo of the Kindle Paperwhite 2018 packaging"
|
|
caption: 'First eInk reader, Kindle Paperwhite'
|
|
- image: ./src/assets/images/gallery/personal/paperwhite-perspective.jpeg
|
|
alt: "Color photo of a Kindle Paperwhite"
|
|
caption: 'First eInk reader, Kindle Paperwhite'
|
|
- image: ./src/assets/images/gallery/personal/handheld-paperwhite.jpeg
|
|
alt: "Woman holding a Kindle Paperwhite in her hand"
|
|
caption: 'Paperwhite, handheld'
|
|
- image: ./src/assets/images/gallery/personal/kobo-forma-packaging.jpeg
|
|
alt: "Photo of the Kobo Forma 1 packaging"
|
|
caption: 'Moved to Kobo in 2021'
|
|
- image: ./src/assets/images/gallery/personal/kobo-forma.jpeg
|
|
alt: "A picture of the Kobo Forma 1"
|
|
caption: 'Sweet looking reader, huh'
|
|
- image: ./src/assets/images/gallery/personal/kobo-sage.jpeg
|
|
alt: "A picture of the Kobo Sage"
|
|
caption: 'May favorite eReader by far'
|
|
---
|
|
I have become increasing suicidal watching the world regress into global fascism with its whole chest on Mastodon, and every other social site on earth. I have deleted all my Instagram accounts except one, my Twitter accounts I never use, my Facebook account I created as a brand and never use, kept LinkedIn and Lemmy instances and I'm only logged into a few Mastodon instances. I have to use LinkedIn as I look for work and network on the site, despite me hating that kind of interaction. LinkedIn is a capitalist hellscape and I hate it.
|
|
|
|
## The Great Reset
|
|
|
|
I hate Discord. I hate Slack. I don't do well with those kinds of online social interactions. Watching YouTube garbage is rotting my brain[^1].
|
|
|
|
I decided that I need to go back to my roots: BBForums and *reading books*.
|
|
|
|
{% include "components/gallery.njk" %}
|
|
|
|
I've been reading books since I was 3 years old; my mom, though she couldn't read really at all herself, read to me every night. Children's books are easy enough, so she would read me something nightly because I enjoyed it. So one day, I remember picking up the Golden spine childrens book *The Little Red Hen* and sounding out the words myself (I didn't know how to sound out *lettuce* until maybe 2nd grade), and I ran downstairs and said, "mommy! mommy! Look!" and proceeded to read the book followed by multiple calls to family members to show them my parlor trick.
|
|
|
|
I would read voraciously from that day until around the age of 16 when the psychosis and despair were fucking with my brain real heavy. I couldn't concentrate for shit as my brain was filled with outside voices that would say shit to me on repeat.
|
|
|
|
I wouldn't be able to pick books back up again until much later, around the age of 27 when I got on my current meds which are starting to fail me. I picked up a Jonathan Kellerman book and off to the races I went.
|
|
|
|
Eventually I found the Mobileread website and forums. It was there I found the ebook management software Calibre. A friend of mine taught me how to 🏴☠️ books on Demonoid and I must have downloaded 4000 books, most of which I tossed because I am no longer interested in them. Once I was employed I bought books, lots of them and in order to actually *read* them on *whatever I fucking want* I used DeDRM tools in Calibre to make that happen.
|
|
|
|
{% eleventyImage "./src/assets/images/screenshots/mobileread.png", "Screenshot of Mobileread forums as a desktop app on macOS", "Going to this forum daily has finally gotten me to realize I am an old person. I can no longer deny or fight that fact." %}
|
|
|
|
{% eleventyImage "./src/assets/images/screenshots/calibre.png", "Screenshot of Calibre ebook management software on macOS", "Calibre is life." %}
|
|
|
|
{% eleventyImage "./src/assets/images/screenshots/mr-profile.png", "Screenshot of my Mobileread forum profile as a desktop app on macOS", "Old bookish lady doing old bookish shit." %}
|
|
|
|
## Goodreads
|
|
|
|
I used Goodreads *a lot* around 2009-2016. I was trying to do that MFA thing before I realized I was dirt poor and that shit is for trust fund babies and even if I were to get a full ride to do it, I'd still be dirt poor. I decided to do what I've always wanted to do and work in tech. The pay was great but I actually enjoy tech. It didn't matter if it was $50-60Kor if I was making or $120K, I wanted to work in tech.
|
|
|
|
So I did. I started to read more non-fiction and noped out of Goodreads. It had been hard to find the time to read when I was on social media and consuming other things. I've always been a completionist for everything I read or games I play and it's taken me quite a while to realize that time is finite and I am running out of it so if I don't jive with a book or game, just put it down. So I do that now.
|
|
|
|
|
|
{% eleventyImage "./src/assets/images/screenshots/goodreads.png", "Screenshot of Goodreads as a desktop app on macOS", "Goodreads still has its place." %}
|
|
|
|
## Fiction
|
|
|
|
I was listening to a lot of true crime books as, funny enough, there are a couple narrators I fall asleep to and books that aren't too gory for me to sleep with while listening. However I began to notice it taking a toll on me mentally. Sometimes I'd dream about the book I was listening to while I was sleeping and I already have night terrors practically nightly for which I take medication. I began to feel darker than usual.
|
|
|
|
I missed actually reading things that made me feel good. I missed using my eInk ereader. And I missed *good fiction*. So I picked up a childhood favorite, *It's Like This, Cat* a 1963 Newberry Award winner I begged my mom to get me from the Scholastic Book fair.
|
|
|
|
I am enjoying the hell out of that on my Kindle Paperwhite; they had it as a freebie on Amazon years ago and as someone who has always loved cats (I mean if you ain't know that by now, idk what to tell you) I decided to revist the book which is more adult than I remember it being.
|
|
|
|
I also reread, for maybe the 20th time, Amy Hempel's short story *In the Cemetery Where Al Jolson is Buried*. I read it for creative writing class a long time ago. It was written in 1983 for a university fiction journal and I remember it breaking me every time I read it. If you're a woman or woman presenting person with a best friend you love more than anything this story will hurt you in all the best and worst ways. You can find it as a PDF on Fictionaut. Hit me up if you want it and I'll email it to you.
|
|
|
|
## Back to bed
|
|
|
|
I've been sick a lot while living here and last night was the first night in about two months I actually had any energy so I cleaned the floor and tried to upgrade this site to v3 which broke pretty much everything. I reverted back and now I need to sleep; it is almost 6:30 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
|
{% eleventyImage "./src/assets/images/blog/ipad-pro-2018-mapleread.jpeg", "A photo of an iPad Pro 2018 model with a book opened in MapleRead app", "I miss living in this loft. I used to go out here and read and watch the birds and soak up the sun in the summer. Now I am truly getting depressed." %}
|
|
|
|
[^1]: I have Yatee to keep that shit at a minimum but I log into the web interface anyway and I really wish there was a way to completely block that site forever... I actually can. I will do that today. |